The purposes of a person’s heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out. Many claim to have unfailing love, but a faithful person who can find? Proverbs 20:5-6
What we see in this simile is a comparison of a deep well and a person’s heart. The water in the well lies well below the surface of the ground and to get water from the well a significant amount of effort and ingenuity must come together to bring water to the surface. It is hard work. Maybe you must build the bucket and braid the rope before you can even begin to lower the bucket and start the difficult task of bringing water to the surface. Some would look at that well and walk away looking for an easier way to get water while those with creativity and diligence will identify the means and put forth the effort.
This is how it can be for most wives. Most husband’s hearts are much like a well, or at least my husbands is. We came together later in life and both of us brought past hurts that have created significant work on both our parts. When I met him, I knew his heart was a well with no bucket. It was going to take effort and perseverance to get to the deeper parts of his heart: the place where the really good love is found. I had to make a choice, I could walk away and find easier water or I could stick it out and put in the effort. I chose to marry him and stick it out. To do that, I first had to build the bucket and braid the rope before I could try to draw the water out of the well. This process is called approach. I had to learn how to approach him before I could even begin to drink of the water I was working so hard to bring to the surface. I am still learning how. Its a complicated process but one well worth it.
Every man is different. Your husbands well will not be reachable in the same way mine is but with basic proper guidance we can succeed. Abigail (1 Samuel 25:1-42; 2 Samuel 3:3) had wisdom. She knew the importance of timing and humility. She knew how to use a gentle approach and she drew deep waters from David’s heart and in the process saw great victory and an amazing marital union. The queen of Sheba knew the importance of approach and respect. (I Kings 10:1-7) When she came to King Solomon she came with intention, was clear about why she was there and showed great respect to his wisdom and position. Both of these women understood the importance of the approach to the well before attempting to bring forth water to the surface. Approaching our husbands should always be done with timing in mind with a gentle approach that has no expectation. We should respect him, show him that respect and in humility allow him to share in the ways he is capable. We should never expect him to love the way we do; men are not capable of that way of loving. They love differently and we have to be accepting of their ways if we want to know true contentment in our marriage.
Men are not lovey like women are. We exude love almost constantly in one way or another, but men keep it deep inside away from the reach of others. It seems to be a part of their design and as women, we are given the quest of pulling that love to the surface. We do so by learning how to approach our husbands and by being trustworthy with the love he finally decides to release. This is not to say that they do not want affectionate love, but they want it on their terms and sometimes accepting that is the first drop in the bucket.
When we approach our husbands with a humble heart, not one that brags about how loving we are or how great we have been in the past, we are approaching him in a way that shows him love. If we want to be the drinkers of the deepest water, we must be showers of our true character, not braggards. We must be humble daughters of the Most High King, approaching his deep well of love with the utmost respect of his heart and soul. We must see him as the creation he is, a son of the Most High King, who is to be handled with care and with integrity and diligence. We must have a forgiving heart and be one of the rare Biblical performers of love. The women who know how to draw out their husbands hearts in such a way are the ones who find contentment and joy in their marriage and it shows on the faces of their husbands. They will be joyous and content in their homes…no rooftop needed.