It’s been a while since I have posted. I’ve been in a cocoon with my Heavenly Father, Yahuah, for the majority of 2019. I have wrestled with loss, with rejection, with anger, with truth and with brokenness. It has been a turbulent time. The old me, the one that felt betrayed and lost is no more. She was a caterpillar waiting for growth and transformation and in January of this year she got what she had been praying for. Total life transformation. It was painful, but emerging from the old into the light of a renewed mind and renewed life has been very much worth it.
In the process I truly learned what it means to take off the old and emerge renewed. I learned that letting go of the past is one of the easiest things you can do when you set your sights on things above (Col. 3:2) and choose to let go of the past and put on the new you. The you that is renewed to a true knowledge moving forward in Christ (Col.3:10). In the chaos of transformation I found a peace that only comes from Christ ruling my heart because I allowed the Word of Christ to live (Col.3:16) within me and I now sit here at this computer a new woman, with a joyous and peaceful heart, living the life I have prayed for all these years. What a difference a year can make.
For those who are still in your cocoons fighting the turbulence, I want to encourage you to stop fighting and look to Christ for peace instead. Read and trust in the Word of the one and only true God, Yahuah. Devote yourself to prayer but don’t just pray. Pray with a heart of thanksgiving even in the suffering. Stay alert and focused in your prayer. (Col. 4:2) Be persistent and keep the faith, even when it looks like things are falling apart. I promise you, they are coming together in ways that He knows are best. I am living proof.
For years I prayed for a God fearing husband. A man whose heart sought after our Father so deeply that he was willing to stand alone in the truth if it was needed in order to bring the light of the Gospel to those he encountered. As a Christian woman, I had allowed the work to be done in my heart. I had lived the way a Proverbs 31 woman should live. I was the wife of noble character and thought I was my husbands crown. I just knew that if I was good enough and lived the way the Father told me to live that my husbands heart would change and he would become the man I was praying for. I was wrong. His heart was not one that sought after the Father and instead of growth in Christ and commitment to the sanctity of our marriage he asked for a divorce. You can imagine my emotions toward him at the time and the questions I had for my Father. Things were falling apart and I didn’t understand why.
For months I kept Proverbs 3:5 in my heart. With each tear I cried I reminded myself I didn’t need to understand, I just needed to keep my eyes on Him and my faith that He was working things for my good. After 8 months of deep turbulence ( I’ll save that for another day) things changed. I emerged from my cocoon a renewed woman. I knew whose I was and I knew He would make the right decision on who to put in my life. Once I let go and trusted Him I met an amazing man. A true Godly man. One whose heart seeks to live out the truth of the Father so greatly that he has, on many occasions, stood out on his own to do so. Being in his presence is the most soothing experience I had ever had so I decided to trust that my Father knew what He was doing and I gave this wonderful man a chance.
Our relationship grew over our love of our Father and the desire to live right in His eyes. The more time we spent together the more I saw Christ in him. His words matched his actions and he showed me what it looked like for a man to see the rare light within me and respect it. There were days that he would describe me and the words he used were the characteristics I had grown into through Christ yet no one had ever noticed until now. Kindness. Loving. Compassionate. Humble. Patient. All the things I had prayed I would be, he saw and acknowledged. I slowly began to trust him and as the days came and went, I found that I loved him and he loved me. Nothing will ever be more beautiful to me than the love story of how my new husband and I came to love one another through our mutual trust in our Heavenly Father.
You see, we both came from a background of hurt and loss. Both of us could have easily given up, especially at our age, but we didn’t. We trusted Yahuah and he brought us together in an amazing display of goodness and righteousness. All within the last few months of this year. A year can change everything my friends. This year has been one of great pain and one of greater love. It has been one of sorrow and great joy. Above all, it has been a big lesson in trust,patience and perseverance. As we go into this new year, i encourage anyone going through the transformations of life to keep your focus on Christ and trust in His goodness. Better is coming. It may look totally different than what you expected, but I can speak the truth that the view is much better when you let the Father create it!